I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
