if only i could text you this smell
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
