he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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