her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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