So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
