he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
