why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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