This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
