You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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