True but thats because hes a fetus.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
nutella sex= disaster
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
