I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
