I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
