I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
