if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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