im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
