a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
