Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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