I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
