just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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