I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
did you just send me my own nude
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So apparently I’m into choking now
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