Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
