the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You ruined the universe
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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