why didn't you poke me back
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
