I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
