You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
