Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
