haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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