no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
