I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
