i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
