I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
