woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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