i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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