I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
