it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
