Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
