I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
