were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
