I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
