you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
