Whod you bang
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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