You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
