I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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