I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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