So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
