help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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