Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
