with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
