Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
