if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
More tranny stories later!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
