dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
