Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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