just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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