Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
