walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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