end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
