I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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