He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
