guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
