and she was petting her beer can
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
