she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
