My boss' voice literally gives me gas
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
