I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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