For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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