I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
