i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
