Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
