Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
